Parenting is often referred to as “the toughest job you’ll ever do” Although this statement definitely has some truth, it also doesn’t have to be so darn hard. Parenting can be easier for you, but we first need to look at a few factors that go into parenting, which tend to lead us down the path of difficult parenting.
Why Is Parenting So Hard?
Parenting isn’t something we are taught. There isn’t a class you take when you decide to become a parent that teaches you everything you need to know. Instead, you are thrown into parenting blindly. You are left to figure it out as you go and sometimes when you are in the moment you just don’t know what to do.
At these moments we often react in a manner we later regret. We wish we hadn’t yelled or punished our kids, but in that moment we didn’t know what else to do. We often jump from consequence to consequence, as we have NO idea what else to do. Sound familiar?
We are emotionally invested and tied to our kids at such a deep level. This makes it really hard for parents to hold their ground and follow through. Lack of follow through creates a continuous cycle where our kids are left no choice, but to continue to push the boundaries until limits are set.
As parents we find it very hard and difficult to set firm boundaries because our emotions, such as guilt and self-doubt, often get the best of us. We then, against our better judgment, give in; throw in the towel and our follow through goes out the door. This makes the next issue even harder to manage and once again makes parenting so darn hard.
Parenting isn’t instinctive. You would think that parenting would come naturally to everyone, but I’ve got news for you, IT DOESN’T. For the majority of people, parenting is really hard, because what they think would be the best approach for a particular issue, often is not. Take this story from a client of mine as an example.
“I was tired and exhausted from a long day at work. When I picked up my toddler from daycare, just like every other day he was crabby, whiny and fussy. I didn’t have the patience to deal with him, so I did my best to tune him out, which made him very mad. This escalated to a full-blown scream at the top of his lungs tantrum. I had no idea what I was doing wrong or what to do differently”
Can you relate? Let’s take a closer look at what happened here:
My client was doing her best and went with her instincts to ignore in that moment. Unfortunately, she realized after our session, that what needed to be done was quite the opposite. Her son needed her attention and was starving for it after a long day away from her at daycare. His “emotional attention bucket” was low and he needed her to spend time with him. After we spoke she realized that she wasn’t giving him the right kind of attention daily to avoid these tantrums. Her son was also over-tired and over-hungry. He needed her to be proactive and have a snack ready on hand to help meet some of his basic needs.
Moving forward mom can get down low when she picks him up, smile and look him in the eye. Make a concrete connection straight away. Pass him a healthy, but enjoyable snack, as she gets his coat on, and then chat with him on the way to the car to help give him some of the needed attention. Being one step ahead and parenting proactively is ½ the battle.
Parenting is sometimes harder than it needs to be for the three reasons we just discussed, but the good news is there are SOLUTIONS!
Life with kids can be great. You don’t have to be frustrated and exhausted day in and day out.
PARENTAL CHANGES TAKES TIME
If you can relate to the above, then I have a solution for you! Positive Discipline is a parenting approach that will leave you and your kids feeling better, which will simultaneously, tighten your parent-child bond. The key to making changes is to stick with it over time. Old habits die hard and change takes time.
As you make adjustments in your parenting style it will take time for those new methods to become your new norm. There will be moments of setbacks and mistakes. When this happens don’t panic! Simply, own up to your mistakes, apologize and try again. Learning from our mistakes is a great way to role model that mistakes are learning opportunities. Stick with your new positive discipline solutions and remember that change takes time!
POSITIVE DISCIPLINE WILL MAKE PARENTING EASIER
Often times we don’t know what parenting tools and solutions are even available to help us when certain issues arise. We gravitate either towards yelling, consequences, empty threats and taking things away (authoritarian parenting approach) or we end up just giving in (permissive parenting approach).
We do this hoping our kids will listen and learn. Unfortunately, these types of reactions only cause our kids to act up more. The negative behaviours get worse and we become more frustrated. We need to stop this cycle in order to make parenting easier.
By grasping new parenting solutions and tools, you will be able to solve problems more effectively and stop misbehaviours long term
WHAT POSITIVE DISCIPLINE DOES FOR YOUR KIDS
· Helps strengthen your parent-child relationship. Fills up your child’s power and attention buckets.
· Offers solutions that demonstrate mutual respect for you and your kids.
· Creates lasting, long-term changes.
· Gives your child opportunities to learn from mistakes.
· Teaches life skills such as problem solving skills, self-management and cooperation.
· Kids learn how capable they can be! Building self-confidence and a strong self-worth.
All 5 of these points are why I use Positive Discipline in my home with my sons, Hudson and Beckett. These reasons are why I also love consulting with parents to teach them Positive Discipline tools. The more you learn about Positive Discipline the more you’ll want to know.
Once you begin implementing new tools to help your children achieve these attributes, you won’t want to stop. You will become “addicted” to the way you finally feel about parenting. You will have more time, energy and freedom to enjoy each and every day! Finally parenting won’t have to be so hard!
Small Changes Make BIG Results!
BOOK NOW to start filling your toolbox with Positive Parenting Strategies that will make your daily parenting experience easier! Save yourself time and energy and enjoy a quality life with your kids!