What I’ve Learned Being Locked In A Hotel Room With My Kids
By: victoria naik
Remember last November? That glorious time when masks were still for Halloween? Well, our family remembers November very fondly because it was also the month we made the decision to pursue our life-long dream of living overseas in Hanoi, Vietnam. Exciting, right?
Fast forward a few months and our plans were all but lost in the lockdown haze of juggling full-time virtual work, child care and the wobbliest of home schooling experiences. We spent the Spring not knowing if we would even be able to travel internationally. Then, in late July, we were finally able to secure transit to Hanoi. Three flights and a 15-hour layover later, we emerged from the airport in full, blue PPE outfits to begin our final travel hurdle: a 14-day quarantine in a hotel room.
Now, like any savvy (i.e. desperate) parent, I’d already read the ‘how to survive quarantine with your kids’ articles back in March, so I had the basics down (Snacks? Check. Screens? Fully charged!). With my husband quarantined in a separate room and starting his new job immediately, I opted to take both kids, rationalizing that it would be easier to keep them occupied together. What I didn’t have was a clear sense of how I was going to get through 14 full days of being in a single room with barely room to move around the beds. Oh, did I mention I’m also working on starting my own creative business? Reality hit me hard when we all woke up at 4:00 a.m. (thanks, jetlag!) on our first morning and my oldest daughter asked, ‘What are we going to do today?’
Fortunately, all of my previous quarantine time helped prepare me for what I’m now referring to as ‘extreme quarantining’, a series of insights I’m sure my fellow parents in apartments and small condos are already very well aware of.
Check ins are important (no matter how much face time you get)
You would think our constant interaction while in hotel quarantine would mean I’m super attuned to how my kids are feeling, but I still miss so much of what is happening in their complex minds. The day after our arrival, my normally super calm and cooperative oldest daughter had an emotional explosion when I asked her to be careful around my laptop. It turns out that all of our high-anxiety plane travel, where we were all in a constant state of fear about exposure to the virus, had amped up her anxiety in ways that I hadn’t recognized. I had to spend a lot of time talking with her to make the connection and help her feel safe. It was a good reminder that our everyday interactions with our kids don’t always get to that deeper level of engagement they need. Even with 24/7 interaction, I still need to be deliberate in asking my kids how they’re doing.
Keep talking about the big picture
In the first few days, it was easy for us to get bogged down in the immediate circumstances of our confinement. Talking about how many hours we had to fill damped everyone’s mood and I noticed my girls were really taking their cues from me in terms of what I was focused on. What helped the most? We started talking about the future. Not just post-14 day quarantine, as the pandemic is far from over regardless of where you are in the world, but also what we wanted to experience as a family over the next few years, ‘once things with COVID are better’. I don’t have an answer about the timelines of the pandemic any more than the next frazzled parent, but I do know that our family has all sorts of hopes and goals that we’re not letting go of even when they seem permanently on hold. When we started talking about the future with that longer-term horizon in mind, it helped put our current discomfort in perspective.
Long live the group text
How am I keeping my own sanity? Two words: group texts. Even on the other side of the world, I can always count on at least one voice from my friend or family chat groups to be awake and ready to commiserate. And the thing about group texts is that the best ones always have a voice for every situation. Sometimes I need snarky humour and a good GIF. Sometimes I need sympathy and a head exploding emoji. No matter what is going on, my group texts are a little lifeline to the people who know me best and can help me through anything, even when I’m sitting in a dark hotel room with two sleeping kids wondering how we’re going to fill the hours tomorrow.
We still have quite a few days to go in our hotel quarantine, so who knows. I may still emerge on Day 15 looking like Tom Hanks in Castaway. In the meantime, I’ll keep refereeing sibling squabbles and staring longingly at a new city that I can’t quite yet explore.
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