Instagram vs. Reality: Parenting During Quarantine
By: victoria naik
The Instagram version of my 14 day hotel room quarantine is going super well. My kids are drawing complex patterns and gazing adorably out the window, while I”m looking super refreshed in my face-tuned selfie. No problems here, folks!
I wish I could live in the Instagram version of this pandemic every day. Fresh bread! Family time! So many puzzles! The reality is, of course, much more bleak. In this intense quarantine, I’m feeling all of the struggles I’ve felt since March intensifying into a parent identity crisis. I swear I’m a caring, patient Mom who loves cuddles and kiddie activities, you just wouldn’t know it by observing me in my current state. Let’s explore some of my recent parenting lows.
Orange Pop is Never the Cure
In a moment of desperation, I allowed my daughters to try the can of Fanta that was in the hotel fridge. My daughters had never had orange pop before and had been confined in a single room for 11 days. What could possibly go wrong? Fifteen minutes later, while scrubbing orange pop from an old hotel carpet with a toothbrush, I reflected on all of the things that did, if fact, go very wrong. Why was I making such terrible parenting decisions? The truth is that I’m tired. Tired of trying to keep the positive momentum going. Tired of trying to find new ways to entertain little ones in a very constrained space. The Fanta seemed like a quick win. Would I do it again? Honestly, yes. I brought out the Fanta again when we’d all calmed down. We poured another glass. My daughters listened in rapture as I explained that there is an even sweeter grape pop out there. I couldn’t erase the yelling or the crying, but at least we had a laugh. It’s the most I can hope for during these times of worn-down parent decision making.
Play Time is Truth Time
I’ve also discovered that there is no harsher mirror than observing your children play the game ‘mother and daughter’. For most of the pandemic, I was too busy working to observe my children’s imaginative play, but in our hotel room I have a front row seat to the very specific behaviours and messages my kids are absorbing from me. I’ve been able to watch hours of their game ‘Late for school, hurry up!’ and ‘Why are you so messy? Pick up your stuff. Now!’. I’ve heard my daughter replicate the exact inflection of annoyance I have in my voice when I say, “I. Am. Very. Frustrated. Right. Now.” A phrase I use a lot, apparently. Wow. So bad parenting decisions AND a legacy of irritated parenting catch phrases. You can see why my parenting self-esteem and confidence is at an all time high. Fortunately, my girls have grown tired of the mother/daughter game and have moved on to ‘fashion princess model school’ which is way better, right? Right?
I Have a Cuddle Threshold
During these dark days of our hotel quarantine, I’ve felt something I haven’t felt since those other dark days of breastfeeding a newborn while also taking care of a toddler: the ‘don’t touch me’ threshold. I am cuddled out. The thought of my children sitting on my lap repulses me. I would give anything for a long solo walk. I’ve actually yelled ‘Stay away from me. Just stay away.’ to my five year old. It’s never felt truer to me that to be a good parent I need space - physical, emotional, psychological - away from my children. That part of quarantine life that has shrunk my universe down to a ‘mini-bubble’ has been one of the most challenging. Also, does anyone else really hate the word bubble now?
For all the lows, I’m getting by and continuing to search for those fleeting Instagrammable moments when things are okay. Maybe it’s not a bad thing that in a few years I’ll be able to look back through my feed and only see the silver linings.
You can follow Victoria’s adventures on Instagram @victorianaik and her creative work @linestudystudio.
For parents feeling overwhelmed or questioning their parenting choices during similar stressful times, our Parenting Consultation & Support offers guidance and strategies to maintain positive parenting.
