Emotion Coping Skills
We all have moments when our emotions overwhelm us. Here are Registered Psychologist Dr. Arela Agako’s recommendations of practical steps you can take to cope with difficult emotions:
1. First, stop what you are doing and remove yourself from the emotionally provoking situation if you can. Notice what is going on in your body and how intense your emotions are. If your emotions are in the high to extremely high range, it may be helpful to use the following strategies before moving to the next step:
a. Ice dive: take a cold bowl of water and submerge your face for at least a minute (you can come up for air as often as you need to). The cold water in our face activates our mammalian dive reflex, slows down our heart rate and breathing, shuts down our fight-or-flight system, and reactivates our more relaxed nervous system. It's a really powerful tool. Give it a try!
b. Paced breathing: take a deep breath from your belly and slow down on the exhale. The trick here is to exhale for longer than you inhale. For example, inhale for a count of 4 and exhale for a count of 5 (or another count that feels more natural). If this exercise increases your anxiety, it may be because you are breathing from your chest instead of your belly. Place one hand on your chest and another on your stomach, and make sure the hand on your stomach is the one that is moving up and down when you are practicing this exercise.
c. Exercise: Cardio exercises can help reduce the physiological intensity of the emotion by shutting down our fight-or-flight system and reactivating our more relaxed nervous system. Burpees, push-ups, jogging, running up and down the stairs of your house, and others can all be helpful. Make sure to do it for at least 20 minutes, and you will be able to notice a shift in how that emotion feels in the body
2. Second, make time to explore the emotion, ideally in a comfortable space and when you can dedicate a few minutes to it without interruption. Most emotions are trying to communicate to us what we may need at that moment. It is important to notice them and spend some time processing them in the following way:
a. Notice what the emotion feels like in your body. Do you notice any changes in your heart rate or breathing? What do you feel in your face, head, and throat? What do you feel in your arms, legs, and chest? Do you feel any tingling or tension anywhere in your body?
b. Try to name the emotion if you can. Is it sadness, anxiety, shame, guilt, disgust, love, or another? Check out this link if you are struggling with identifying the emotion
c. Ask yourself if the emotion makes sense given the situation. Is there danger in the environment (anxiety)? Did you act against your values and need to make amends (guilt)? Is there someone who is explicitly judging something that you did (shame)? Did you lose something important to you (sadness)? Or perhaps something is happening that is unfair, or an important goal of yours is being blocked (anger)?
d. If the emotion isn't justified by the situation, ask yourself, "Is there another way I can think of the situation" "Do I have all the facts to come to this conclusion?” “If not, what are other interpretations of the same situation?" or "What would I say to a friend in the same situation?"
e. If the emotion is justified or makes sense in that situation, what is that emotion telling you that you need at that moment? Is it connecting with others or seeking support? Is it figuring out how to get yourself out of a dangerous situation? Is it that you need to apologize to someone? Is it practicing self-compassion or doing something soothing or distracting?
If you are still having a hard time with overwhelming emotions or have urges to engage in unhelpful behaviours after these steps, seeking therapy with a trained mental health professional may be necessary. Reach out for support!