Coping As A Couple During COVID-19
By: Dr. Samantha Waxman
If you believe the old adage “absence makes the heart grow fonder”, then you may be feeling a bit of a strain on your relationship now that you’re spending 24/7 with each other. Throw in a kid or two, work responsibilities, managing the requirements of a household, and we’ve got a perfect storm for relationship distress! But, it’s not all doom and gloom, and we aren’t all destined for divorce court when these restrictions lift. The Well Parents Centre has compiled some tips to help get you and your partner through this trying time. And, who knows, maybe you’ll come out of this a stronger, healthier couple than you went in.
Tip #1: Acknowledge that this is a difficult time.
This is a unique time in history. None of us could have prepared ourselves for the emotional impact of this pandemic. So, one of the most helpful things you can do is to offer validation, understanding, and empathy for partner’s feelings even if you don’t agree with their perspective. It can be as simple as:
Partner 1: This sucks.
Partner 2: I agree. I miss our old way of life.
Tip #2: Take breaks from each other.
Even if you are still in the googley-eyes phase of your relationship, it can be helpful to get some space from each other throughout the day. A small amount of time can have a huge impact. This time apart is a great opportunity for some self-care. Think about what you can do during your breaks from each other to recharge your batteries, lower your stress, and boost your mood. Perhaps it’s a short (physically distant) walk outside or a YouTube yoga class. Maybe it’s taking a bath or plucking your eyebrows. It doesn’t have to be big, and it doesn’t have to be for very long.
Tip #3: Tag team.
There is a lot to juggle right now between work, household tasks, homeschooling, and parenting. It may be necessary to divide and conquer. Perhaps you divide the day (e.g., I’ll take morning until lunch, you take post-lunch until dinner) or switch off every hour. Some couples play to their strength (e.g., I’m a better cook so I’ll prepare all meals and buy all the groceries. You’re more patient with teaching our kids so you do all the homeschooling). Like a good tag wrestling team, you can tag out when you need a break. Because there is so much to juggle, it’s important to discuss if you feel things are out of balance or that you are being taking advantage of in order to reduce any growing resentments.
Tip #4: Call a time-out.
If you’re getting on each other’s nerves or having a fight, you need to call a time-out and take a break from the issue. When we get angry, our reptilian brains take over and we are not thinking as rationally. That is not an ideal time to have a conversation with our partner. Separate from each other for about 20 minutes and do something soothing to calm your lizard brain. When you feel more calm, you can return to the conversation. This break will help you resolve arguments more constructively instead of destructively.
The news is changing very quickly, and so it can feel really important to stay on top of the emerging information. However, if you find that you’re only talking about COVID with each other, set some time limits or specific times to talk about COVID, so that it does not become the only thing that you’re talking about together or, over time, the defining feature of your relationship.
Tip #5: Laugh together.
This may not feel like the funniest time in your life, but laugher is a fantastic tool for relieving stress and bonding people together. Laughter releases endorphins (i.e., the “feel good” hormones), and can help promote and reinforce feelings of togetherness. Put on a comedy special, watch hilarious animal videos on YouTube, or reminisce about funny experiences that you shared together.
If you find that you and your partner are struggling in ways that go beyond quick tips, consider reaching out to a therapist. Many psychologists, social workers, and psychotherapists have moved to providing online services to adapt to the current situation. At the Well Parents Centre, we offer couples therapy by secure video in order to meet our clients’ needs while maintaining social distancing. Video sessions also allow us to offer more flexible hours than before the pandemic. This may be a great opportunity to start couples therapy if your busy schedules did not allow for it before.
Post originally created for the momlove.ca blog and directory
