“I’m Not The Problem. You Are!” Acceptance and Change In Relationships

“I’m not the problem. My partner is the problem. If she/he/they would just change, then everything in our relationship would be better. I obviously am not that bad, and my partner should just accept me the way I am!”

Does this sound familiar to how you see your relationship? 

If you are like most people in relationships, this tends to be how we view our problems. It’s not me, it’s you.  Often, the things that drew us to our partners become that things that annoy us once the romance dust has settled. “He’s so outgoing and charming” becomes “he has too many friends and he flirts with everyone!” 

The problem with demanding that our partners change is that we humans do not like being told what to do or being told that we are flawed. We become defensive and stubborn. And the real paradox is that, in order for our partners to change, we have to accept them for who they are. Warts (and annoying habits) and all. 

What we need to do is turn the mirror around and take a good look at ourselves. We need to start asking ourselves what we’d be willing to change about ourselves and accept about our partners to make the relationship work. 

What do you feel you need to change about yourself to make your relationship work?

What are you willing to accept about your partner to make your relationship work?

If you're struggling to reflect on your own behaviors or need support in making personal changes, our Psychotherapy services can provide you with the guidance and strategies you need. For couples looking to deepen their understanding and acceptance of each other, our Couples Therapy offers targeted interventions to help you grow together and strengthen your relationship.