Want To Keep A Sexual Connection With Your Partner? It’s Easier Than You Think.
Did you know that it is possible to keep a strong sexual connection over decades of being together?
When you think you about good sexual connection, what images come to mind? Like many others, you have likely pictured new couples, in the prime of their youth, having frequent adventurous and spontaneous sex.
But guess what?
That is not what makes good sexual connection. Particularly not strong, long-lasting sexual connection.
Emily Nagoski (one of the best sex educators/researchers/writers out there) has outlined what does, and it could not be more straightforward:
Being friends with your partner
o Trust each other
o Know that your partner sees you, is there for you, and will come when you call (no pun intended). Work on it together if you doubt this.
2. Prioritizing sex
o It may feel “unsexy” to schedule sex, but if you want to have great sex, you need to actually HAVE sex. Chose this over all the other competing demands in your life, sometimes. As Nagoski says, “put your body in the bed, let your skin touch your partner’s skin, and remember I like this and I like this person!”
o According to Nagoski “pleasure is the measure of sexual wellbeing”, meaning do you like the sex that you’re having? Is the sex worth wanting? If it isn’t, then it’s time to work on it. Give your partner some feedback about what you like and don’t like.
3. Turning towards your partner with kindness and compassion
o You need to deal with any hurt or difficult feelings between you and your partner by turning towards your partner with kindness and compassion.
So, the take-aways:
Be friends with your partner.
Prioritize sex. Put your body in the bed and let your skin touch your partner’s skin.
Turn towards your partner with kindness and compassion.
For more information, check out Emily’s Ted Talk or consider exploring our couples therapy services.
