Simple & Do-able Self-Care
By: Dr. jill satin
Self-care is a buzz term especially in the postpartum world. It is vital for each and every one of us, but is often misconstrued by social media and marketing. When thinking about self-care, some parents feel alone (How am I supposed to practice self-care when what I really need is help!) and some parents feel guilty (I can’t be a good enough parent if I’m not practicing enough self-care).
Read on for some healthy and doable ways to think about self-care to find what works for you.
Cover the Basics
Self-care is in the eye of the beholder and it is going to look different over time and for different people. While we might conjure up the image of a spa weekend, self-care is more like a sitz bath in the days after delivery (how glamorous!?). In the weeks and months following, it’s an uninterrupted shower. It could be socializing, or enjoying cup of coffee alone. It’s up to you. It’s covering your basic needs like eating nutritious food, staying hydrated, getting rest, exercising at a level appropriate for where you’re at, and attending your own medical appointments. Focus on the basics first. You will likely need to ask for help to even cover these postpartum.
Attitude of Compassion
Self-care is an attitude. Specifically, an attitude of compassion towards yourself. It’s getting to know yourself- your new and changing postpartum self- and what your needs are and are not. It’s forgiving yourself for flaws and mistakes and it’s comforting yourself when you’re depleted. You can do all the yoga in the world but if you’re judging yourself while doing it, you’re not reaping the full rewards of self-care. Think about when someone else cooks a meal for you, but they just plop the plate down in front of you. You might like the taste of the food, but you wouldn’t really feel cared for. Do you treat yourself in a way that makes you feel cared for?
Remember Yourself
Sometimes we don’t even ask the question of what we actually need because we are so used to putting everyone and everything else first. That has to change. A busy mom of 3 kids under 5 once asked me what self-care could possibly look like for her. We came up with a plan for her to experiment with sitting down with a hot cup of tea (her favourite drink) when baby is napping and older kids are in childcare. She would typically go straight for household chores. We discussed taking just 15 minutes, maybe half an hour, and then seeing if the house explodes. She knew that this could help her and nothing would suffer if she took the time, but it never occurred to her that she could put herself first. I pointed out that nobody except her is going to give her that time. That is self-care. It’s not fancy and it’s not expensive, and it wouldn’t look amazing on an Instagram feed.
Some parents forget about their own needs and focus only on the needs of their children. If you struggle with this, ask yourself: How would you want your children to treat themselves when they become adults? Start modelling this. Do it for them so they see what it means to take care of themselves. Or better still, do it for yourself, because you matter.
Every Day
Self-care is not that helpful if it’s a special treat that happens once in a while. I have heard parents describe that their partner or family member expect that one night of decent sleep or going for one massage means that they are now rested and replenished. It doesn’t work that way. We get much more bang for our buck if self-care is consistent and sustainable. If we keep self-care simple, covering basic needs, with self-compassion, in short doable ways, we are much more likely to maintain our emotional well-being over time. Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint.
If the idea of self-care becomes guilt-inducing, then let’s work on readjusting your expectations of what self-care looks like. If you think self-care means that you have to be perfectly toned with nails, makeup, and hair done, you could easily feel inadequate. Please rest assured that the images of self-care you’ve been bombarded with are not realistic nor are they healthy. Self-care should not be a burden- it is a simple and doable practice towards your health.
What is self-care to you?
If you're finding it challenging to integrate self-care into your busy parenting schedule, consider exploring our Parenting Consultation & Support for personalized strategies that work. For more direct help with emotional well-being, our Psychotherapy services Toronto can provide the support you need to take care of yourself while caring for your family.
