Tales From The Crib: Bryna
My name is Bryna, I am a 38 year old married mother of two girls. My husband, Justin and I were married in 2008. Our first daughter, Sawyer will be 8 this fall and our second daughter is, Porter and she is 5 months old. (Yes, I know that’s a big age difference. But it wasn’t planned that way.)
Our journey to start a family wasn’t an easy one. I suffered two miscarriages before Sawyer, one miscarriage while pregnant with Sawyer and two miscarriages between Sawyer and Porter. By the time I was 35, I had suffered 5 miscarriages. Justin and I have been for every test under the sun and there is still no reason behind any of my losses. After two miscarriages and 2 years of trying, we were referred to the local Fertility Clinic. There we did all the testing and everything came back “fine”, so no real explanation for my losses. We got pregnant after our first round of Clomid and were over the moon excited to find out we were expecting Fraternal Twins. Unfortunately, twin B was extremely ill and we were told the chances of survival were slim. I had doctor appointments and ultrasounds weekly after 18 weeks. Plus, crazy amounts of blood work, MRI’s etc. The team of doctors were absolutely incredible and so compassionate. Week 22, we lost our baby girl, Charlotte Lee. Our lives were shattered. But we had to focus on keeping me pregnant to deliver Twin A. I had a planned c-section at 38.5 weeks and we welcomed an extremely healthy baby girl in September 2011, who we named Sawyer Malia. After the trauma of that pregnancy, I said I could never do it again. But when Sawyer was 5, we decided that we would try to get pregnant naturally and if it worked, great and if not, it’s not meant to be. I suffered 2 miscarriages within a year of each other, almost to the exact date! We figured it wasn’t going to happen and we should probably stop trying due to the fact of the emotional and physical toll it was taking on my body. In April 2018, we found out we were pregnant again. By this point, we had little hope. But, this pregnancy stuck and we welcomed our daughter, Porter Collins in January 2019. Again, I had a planned c-section where we decided to tie my tubes.
I have always been open with the journey we have gone through. In some ways I have found it to be therapeutic. I also never know who it’s going to help. The term miscarriage is often considered ‘taboo’ and it’s not okay for women to suffer alone!
WPC: What have been your biggest challenges since becoming a parent?
Bryna: Becoming a parent is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Nothing can prepare you for it! We live across the country from our parents and siblings, so ultimately we’ve done 99% of it on our own. I thought it would get ‘easier’ as Sawyer got older but that is not true at all! At almost 8 years old, we are dealing with mean girls and drama. It’s absolutely heartbreaking to have your daughter come home from school crying over things other girls have said or done. I really didn’t think we’d be dealing with this already!
Postpartum Depression and Postpartum Anxiety are real! Wow! I didn’t have it with Sawyer, so in a sense, I wasn’t expecting it this time around. Luckily, I knew what to look for early on and went to my doctor quite quickly. It’s still a daily struggle but I am starting to come out of the ‘fog’ and realize I will be okay.
WPC: What have you found helpful to address these challenges?
Bryna: We talk with Sawyer everyday about how to deal with these situations at school or on play dates. We are also encouraging her to not become one of those girls. As for the PPD & PPA, after careful consideration, my doctor and I decided I needed some medication. I honestly couldn’t imagine where I’d be if I wasn’t on them. For now, it’s what I need to get by. I don’t know how long I will be on medication and that’s okay. Right now, they are helping me survive and be the best mom and wife I can be. I am also seeing a therapist through the Maternal Wellness team at the hospital I delivered at. They have a fantastic team there with so many different resources. I have access to their services for the first year Postpartum.
WPC: If you could go back in time, what would you tell your pregnant self?
Bryna: There is no perfect parent. We are all struggling in one way or another, despite what people are posting on their Social Media. When people offer to help, let them! No one would offer unless they truly meant it.
Your marriage will be tested and that’s totally normal. Just love and support each other as much as you can.
WPC: If you could, what is one thing you’d change about parenthood in our culture?
Bryna: Judging. Other parents judging has to be one of the hardest things I’ve dealt with. Both our girls were bottle fed due to medical conditions I have. We discussed things for years with specialists and knew this was our best option. A fed baby is a happy baby, right?! But still, no matter where I go and pull out a bottle, I am constantly judged and stared at. No one knows my reasoning. No one cares to ask. If they only knew why my girls were bottlefed, they’d maybe not be so rude. Trust me, I would have breastfed if I could! But it wasn’t the right option for my health and my girls health. At the end of the day, I know my girls are fed and healthy. But those ‘judgy eyes’ still hurt! Being a new mom is hard enough, let’s just support each other!
If you're looking for further information or support on managing emotional wellness during parenthood or need resources to cope with the complexities of raising a family, explore our Newborn and Postpartum Consulting and Psychotherapy Toronto services. We're here to support all aspects of your family's well-being.
